Good enough

I love the Emergency Department. I know that when I look back on this time in my life I will never forget walking through the automatic doors, into the admitting area and then being buzzed back into the ER. As I walk by triage, corner past a few exam rooms and enter the expansive department, I always glance around for staff that I know. Initially, this was intimidating--I'd often introduce myself and then there'd be that awkward pause of "Okay....now what?" But these days, I just walk right in, say hello, and get to whatever task is at hand for the moment.

The phone ringing indicating that the ambulance is trying to get ahold of the department is reminiscent of that creepy ringing phone in a scary movie indicating impending doom. But it must be answered.

The initial flow of staff when a genuine emergency is ushered into the room as they quickly rush to hook them up to monitors, do blood draws and evaluate--where I get to see staff at their best.

The interaction between the staff as they laugh and talk amongst themselves about the various patients who have come their way that shift.

All things that I will always remember.

However, with the good also comes the bad. For some reason, certain staff has chosen to either not remember me or to forget who I am, regardless of how many times I have introduced myself. This has grown tiresome. As I've stated before (probably many times) I hate the way most women treat me. I had one female Tech approach me today when the department was dead quiet and essentially tell me to not stand around, that I'm free to follow "whoever". This, I obviously know. And I wasn't standing around, either. I was waiting for my assigned Tech to return after telling me to stay put. But I digress. Treat me poorly, what does it matter anymore...(I say this cynically, don't start worrying about me just yet)

I also had a Nurse today turn and ask me for help and then look at me in horror because she thought I wasn't wearing my name badge. I was simply standing behind a patient and the badge was not clearly visible. You should have seen her face though....sheesh. Scary! Then she introduced herself....but we have met every week for the last month. Why does she not remember me?!? .....thus is my story.

And finally, our favorite pal, A. My goodness, I cannot wait until I never see them again. No one person has ever tried to annoy me more subtly than them. Ugh. I wish I could go into more details, but I cannot. And please don't get the impression that I'm insane or something of the like. I'm just saying--as I'm sure anyone reading this has experienced what it's like to have to avoid someone in close quarters....it's manageable but super annoying.

I helped take care of a woman today who has been repeatedly beaten up by various boyfriends, has a broken wrist as a result of the last one, was covered with bruises and quite obviously drunk but very sad. Not much to write about her, just someone that stuck out in my mind today. She told me that I was "awesome" and that it was nice to have someone who cares. I think often times these people are blown off because they're deemed unworthy in one way or another. It's a tough thing to see, and I know I can't do much to help, but it doesn't stop me from feeling bad for these people with no one to turn to. ....ugh. The human condition.

On the other end of the spectrum, have you ever seen someone and are struck by the fact that something is not right with them? That there is something evil lurking within? We had a patient in today who had a grand plan to kill all the Police/have them kill him. He was about 6' 6" and weighed 350....maybe 400 pounds. He was scary and as the Police and ER staff talked with him, he was clear about his intentions to kill. But his eyes....oh his eyes. There was something there that I have never seen in anyone before, and don't care to see again. God only knows what will become of this man who is intent on committing terrible crimes against people.

I asked an Ear, Nose and Throat Doctor if I could watch him perform a procedure and learned that however wonderful the human body is, there is something deeply disturbing watching a tube be stuck down someones nose and looking at the vocal cords, tonsils and epiglottis (cartilage that covers the windpipe). The Doctor was great though as he showed me how to look for deviated septums, and show me that for this particular patient her nose was just great, straight and clear for the purposes of sticking his various tubes into. Neat....but really not for me.... :)

Final patient of the day was a little boy who broke his arm while playing at the park. Typical fracture, common break for children but when the orthopedist came in, I was less than impressed as he told the child to "man up". He did a great job repairing the injured arm, but man alive...his bedside manner was severely lacking. But hey. Maybe he had a horrible day or something. Who am I to judge....

So I started my goodbyes tonight to the folks who won't be around this Saturday. Strange saying goodbye because I A) hate them and B) feel like everything shouldn't be wrapping up, really I feel like I just started. Yet, here I am.

Good enough.